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As per my personal experience, parenting a single child and multiple children is different, especially when satisfying their needs. As a parent, we need to prioritize our schedules and work on. So we can support both the child without leaving anyone behind. It requires regular mindful practice, which we need to follow throughout this journey.
Once the sibling enters into their life more than the parents, the first child experience lot many emotions inside them. As a parent of 2 or more kids, we often expect few things from the firstborn, and it is very normal. Definitely, it will be good if all these things happen without much effort. But, the actual truth is it won’t happen that way most of the time. As our firstborn is also a kid still, it may take some time for them to adjust to the atmosphere.
Let’s have a look into a few things which we can avoid forcing the first child after sibling arrival, considering they are also kids still. It is perfectly fine to share it in a gentle and positive way but its better to avoid forcing as they are also kids. And again, there is no right or wrong in parenting unless it hurts the child. I follow certain boundaries in this journey, and i would love to share them with all of you
Things to avoid forcing the first child
1.You are elder and you have to share all the time
Yes!!! They are the elder ones, but it doesn’t mean they have to share everything all the time. They are kids, too, and it is so hard for them to do it. But practicing the concept of “Taking turns” together helps much with understanding the sharing concept in both the kids.
✅ Sibling Love
2.You have to behave good always , so your sibling learn from you
It’s totally understandable as the second child follows the first one. But it is not good to pressure the first child to behave perfectly all the time, so the sibling learns from them. Everything comes with modeling, and it’s better to remember first kid is also a kid still.Kids tend to make mistakes without their knowledge and we cant expect the first one to do right stuffs always as the sibling learn it from them.
It’s better to avoid saying, “You are the elder one,” so please adjust when the second one troubles them. Gentle modeling and treating equally is much needed at that moment.Its not the responsibility of the first one to adjust all the time, its a shared responsibility .
We can ask ” Do you want to adjust” instead of forcing them to adjust all the time.
4.Include your sister/brother in your play all the time
First child have their own space and they need do thing on their own as well. It is fine, let them understand and happily involve the sibling even if it takes time. Let’s not force the child to include the younger one all the time.
5.Why is your bro/sis is crying ? Did you hit
It is better not to blame the first one blindly whenever there is a fight between them. (I made this mistake during my early years and learned a great lesson, as Aditi(My elder one) started to feel scared whenever i went near her). It took some time for her to come out of it
✅ How To Talk: Siblings Without Rivalry
Dear parents, it’s very natural for us to expect a few things from elder ones and we sometimes ask them to do certain activities even without our knowledge. Please take a deep breath, and I agree entirely with the valid intention. All the above said points are much needed for any child, but it may take some time to start doing it. It’s always better to model them with the clear practice rather than expect or force them to do it right away from day 1.
Even without our words, first child love to take all responsibility for caring for their siblings. But certain behaviors need some time to change for good. Gentle discipline plays a major role and creates a positive impact on every child.
Ways too treat siblings equally without any difference
As a parent of 2 kids, i love to follow certain boundaries in my parenting . One such boundary is to treat them equally without showing any difference based on their age. Please scroll through and have a look at them.
1.Avoid privileges and treat them equally
It is good to avoid providing privileges among the children as “He/she is the younger one, so let them have it,” “He/she is the elder one and taking up only their words.” It is good to Treat, respect, discipline them equally
2.Never compare them
It is natural to get comparative mindsets when we have two or more kids. It is ok because we are human, and it can happen!!!!. It is better not to pour the idea into our children and stress them if it happens.I go into comparing mindset many times but never share it with them
✅ What Should Danny Do? (The Power to Choose Series)
3.Buy same set of toys/items
If both the kids are young, it is perfectly fine to buy the same set of toys/items whenever possible. It is tough for the child to understand the differentiation at young age. We can make them understand(which is ultimate goal)with mindful practice. It is ok !!! for present childhood, if it is affordable for the family, as that’s going to bring happiness in them.
Even though they are siblings, ultimately, they are individual humans. It is always good to talk about respecting each other’s privacy whenever needed.
✅ Empathy for Kids
It is better to avoid blaming one child for the behavioral outcome of another child.If one child is shouting, avoid blaming the other one as “He/she learned it from you only.” kind of talks
Parenting is hard. Parenting multiple kids is even more harder. More than teaching modeling helps a lot . Kids learn from what they get from their parents. If they get respect, they reciprocate the same with others without much effort. This clearly applies in building a bond between siblings. The main aspect of parenting multiple children is to make them supportive, respect each other, and stand up for each other throughout their lives.